My coming out story has a number of layers to it but as coming out stories go, it’s not overly interesting and I don’t think it was ever that hard for me as it has been for other people.

I suppose I have always sort of being aware that I had different tendencies since junior school but I don’t think I ever really gave a label to it other than I was ‘different’. I didn’t and still don’t think I am weird for the way I am because to me it is natural and that’s something I just want to define here. If I was to talk about myself and my sexuality I would say I am ‘gay’ but I’d also say I’m normal for being that way because to me, it is. I find numerous terms that are supposed to encapsulate who I am offensive, like the word ‘queer’ which to me means weird and that’s something I am not. Anyway, for a long time I never really thought about it; I was a ‘normal’ schoolboy who had girlfriends (two in junior school although I never broke up with the last one).

When I was in the later years of junior school I guess I became more aware of it but I still didn’t have a label for myself. In Secondary school however, everything slipped away and I didn’t really question myself for the first couple of years because I was in a new place. At home I was still the same though and had a sort of ‘boyfriend’ which I don’t think I could ever class as that, it was just someone else who at the time was questioning who they were, but I still hadn’t come out. When it got to the later years of secondary school again, things became more apparent. I had been teased and bullied for ‘being gay’ although I hadn’t said to anyone I was; I went through the whole ‘bisexual’ stage at one point when I realised who I was but I didn’t pull it off. When I got to year eleven, with the looming GCSE exams coming and another transition to college, I finally defined myself as gay and the whole school seemed to know but this was for another reason.

In year eleven, some trouble kicked up with a girl in the year that had referred to me in a derogatory manner and so I referred back to her in the same manner and I got into more trouble for it as it was seen as racist (which in all fairness it was) and that took priority over homophobic remarks. I had illustrated a point but it went unheard and I had completely forgotten about my home situation. I must point out now that my mother knew at this point but my father didn’t. My mother said she always knew and didn’t really mind, she helped me out a lot at that time. My father however, ended up finding out over a phone call from the head mistress at school that rang to tell him of what had happened. Well that didn’t go down well because he was annoyed I hadn’t confided in him and that the whole school knew before he did. I didn’t see a problem in it but in hindsight, after all, my dad has been there for me I should have told him beforehand.

When I got home we had a talk which upset me for the things he said at the time. I think it was primarily the way in which he found out and that I was now something else that in his eyes put me at a disadvantage in life and this is what I still think today. Over time, after countless similar conversations and slight arguments, things seemed to have finally reached a level at which being gay doesn’t define me again. I am me.

It is important that I remember what my father said to me one time when we were having a conversation. “No parent wishes their children to be gay or disadvantaged in anyway and no parent can say they are ever 100% happy about such things, but they can accept it.” It’s true I think. I don’t think any parent wishes for something like that because of the disadvantages certain things may cause, I don’t anyone that finds themselves in this position, of being gay, would choose to be that way for the amount of teasing, bullying and the disadvantages they may face, but everyone can accept it over time.

Now, and always, my father and I are close. I confide in him the things that worry me and we have an awesome father-son relationship I wouldn’t trade for the world. I know he still loves me for who I am even if he would prefer me another way. I guess I had it easy ‘coming out’ because I didn’t have to do it myself. With my mother, she ‘already knew’ so that was easy as it was. I believe that, for those who worry about this topic, your family will always love you for who you are, you can never expect them to be happy for you but they can accept who you are. It probably doesn’t apply to everyone, but in some cases it will and that’s the important part, that some people will go through the same as me.

I know, now I’m 20 that I wouldn’t change who I am for anything or anyone. The thing with being this way, being gay, is that all the bad things, all the nasty comments, just fade into the background and you become strong from that. You become strong because all these things are thrown your way and you can just pass through them. There are certain barrier that still need to be broken down but you have to take things one step at a time. Nothing in life is easy, and if this stage is tough for you, then once it’s over, it will become easy. You always have to go through the shit to get to the good part and that’s what I have found.